Want, Need

May 9

An evil man once said "Don't tell me you need me- Tell me you want me." Or that's how this conversation began. On a lawn, in front of a funeral home, I debated the merits between want and need. The subtle inferences; the gendered perspectives. It made me think about the things I long for...

 I need to feel like Mother being reached for by their child;

like the first warm rain of spring, as it moistens the frozen earth;
like a bowl of chicken soup to the infirm ;
like the light that shines in the darkness to guide us  home

The reciprocation of this desire is validating. It is human. It connects us all like a silver thread, darning souls together in a cosmic patchwork. It is a basic desire that separates us from the inanimate; that makes men out of statures.

Both can be considered selfish. Want can be akin to unrequited lust- The object of affection need not know. An infant, unaware of their thoughts desires selfishly. There is no sentient thought deeper than a tug. Need is a little more insistent; it's a void that begs to be filled.

As I'm here, sitting in a neutral colored lounge of a mortuary, listening to voices of fellow bards,I feel something inside of me tremble. Their words are needed in this moment, comforting as they fill the spot inside of me that's facing denial. When you don't get what you want, it is forgivable but the denial of need can be crushing. No brownie leaves you hungry but the lack of a necessity leaves you cold.

Here I am: cold, pathetic, and needy. I NEED to tell you these things; to explain to you why I am so desperate in my insistence...But your wants aren't mine and you've never seemed able to remember my needs. To you I am a gratuity, a luxury and expendable.

Signing off unwanted, unsure, The Call Girl xx