I am single and happily so. I like having accountability for my actions and only really having to answer to myself. [Which is hard enough I might add.] I've never truly forayed into a serious relationship and, although that occasionally weighs on me, I figure it'll happen when it happens. Or it won't. I guess it's not something that you really plan for or force.
There was a time when I wanted nothing more than to find Mr Right and settle down. I wanted the car, the dog, the picket fence. I found myself becoming desperate at the thought that I would never meet anyone; that I'd be alone. Visions of spinsterhood daunted me. And then I realized I'm 23. I am young and have a while life in front of me. I should be having fun, living up what may be some of the best years of my life. Why mourn and yearn for something that, although awesome and powerful, is a complication? And thinking about it why do my friends want that? Why is it so crucial to not just be but be with someone?
There's a million different theories I suppose. Some lean towards the biological- We are programed to mate, to to form bonds and commitments. Others are more social- That we are brainwashed by the Disney and Nicholas Sparks movies of the word that until we find that man who swoops in on his white horse and rescues us, we are worthless. I mean, until Bella met her Edward, she was a boring, socially awkward klutz from a broken family. But after? She was desired, needed and it elevated her status. [Despite the codependent, symbiotic relationship that may or may not be classified as necrophilia.]
In previous times, marriage was a business deal. You married to elevate social status; to support your family. There were chickens, goats and currency involved. As property you were bartered from one man ie your father to your husband. Now, it's 2011 so livestock isn't generally involved. You can marry for love or tax breaks or infamy. [You can also choose not to get married... Which differs from the time of matrimonial bargaining.]
And I'm not against marriage as an institution or dating. I'm not a femi-nazi or asexual. Eventually, I want to add these societal norms to my check list but right now? It's not happening.
For my friends on the other hand, it's happening in spades. They're engaged, married, having babies. They're moving countries and cities and apartments. That's right, I'm the single friend, the always the bridesmaid, never the bride buddy, the third [or any other corresponding odd number] wheel friend. Some of my friends are gracious about said fact; others haven't learned the social grace of tact. But the fact remains the same: I don't have what they do.
Recently, a friend of mine joined a dating site. It's like social guerrilla warfare. It seems everyone is out to get something... And happily ever after is the least of their concerns. Mostly, it seems like a way an online booty call. Out of the guys she's met, she's settled into friendships but hasn't found anything more than that. And if you can't find love on the internet, where can you find it?
Now this entry wasn't supposed to be a scathing critique of dating nor those who are happy doing it. I don't want it to be interpreted as the bitter ranting of a single chick. I'm [mostly] happy for my friends. I'm happy for other people. Right now, this is just something that doesn't effect me. I don't want a white knight to sweep me off my feet when I'm still trying to gain a leg to stand on. I also don't need to be reminded of the fact I'm single. I don't need to be pitied or worried about.
The Universe has a plan for all of us. I'm just along of a ride on this cosmic journey and I firmly believe
what's meant to be will happen. Patience in a virtue and eventually I'll get better at embracing it.
Signing off single, yet catless,
The Call Girl xx
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